Last night as Gideon and I were snuggled up in his bed, Gideon said, "Mommy! Move over, please. Make room for the angel!" Tom and I tell Gideon about God and Jesus, but we don't talk about angels. This has a back story that only Tom and I know about -- now all of you will know: A few weeks ago, Gideon yelled for me from his room at the top of his voice. When I got there, his face was alight and plastered with the biggest and brightest smile. He looked at me with an unearthly love and said, "Mommy, there's an angel in my bed. See her? She is beautiful!" and then rolled over and went to sleep. As a mom, I won't lie: this freaked me out. I think I sat next to his bed for a long time after that...watching him breathe. Tom came in wondering where I was, and I told him. We both looked at one another in amazement, and fear. All we could say was "Wow." It felt like the heaviest and most fragile moment, and if we talked about it too much, it might fall and break.
Gideon never brought up his angel again, until last night. After I swallowed the lump, I asked him to tell me about his angel. He said, "It's a girl. She fights sharks." Maybe the blood being made in his bones feel like that -- like sharks. I would like to think that his angel knows his pain. That she knows how to talk to him. God is so with this boy. I am so thankful he is comforted by someone not of this world, but of heaven.
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THIS MORNING:
Please be praying HARD at 8:45 a.m. when Gideon has his bone marrow extracted. He will be sedated and I have no idea how long this will take, but I was told this: Once the extraction is complete, it will be sent to Mayo and we won't have answers for another 48 hours. Honest truth: This makes me feel so much ANGER. I know it is no one's fault. I know we are being taken care of beautifully, but really. This waiting is making me get more and more ragged and unlike a human. More like a spaced out alien who sees out of my eyes and feels, but is kind of hovering above everything. It makes me feel like I have to disconnect with my mind and heart in order to go from one moment to the next. I will pray, pray, pray and hope for that A.L.L...and the best form of A.L.L... Is there a best sub-category? Usually I am Little Miss Research, but I have not Googled ONCE. I have not read ANY of the information and facts. I am holding out for God (with the assistance of that angel) to perform a miracle.
As I typed this, Gideon woke up and said, "Mommy, there are scary fishies in me. They hurt." I guess that answers the shark scenario above. Woah. Thanks, God. I was typing with anger and then that little wake-me-up. Yes, angel. You have my full permission to FIGHT THOSE SHARKS!
(This all may seem so made-up, but I promise each and every single one of you that this is the truth...on all that I hold dear and love. I just witnessed heaven on earth on this hospital bed and I will savor this moment forever.)
Just remember, all of us out here love you are praying for at all hours of all days! Thank you, for sharing these stories, even in the toughest of times! ~Deb xo
ReplyDeleteI believe you! Our God is an AWESOME God and DOES work miracles every day! You just keep sharing your story....it is a beautiful witness of God's amazing power in your life and Gideon's. Hang in there, Sweetie! xoxox Michelle
ReplyDeleteI will be watching the clock, and will be praying at 8:45. Thinking of you, Teresa
ReplyDeletePraying sweetheart, praying hard. I'm in a meeting with my eyes closed and mumbling under my breath. But they already think I'm crazy anyway. ;) xoxox
ReplyDeleteAlmost four years ago, I was at this very same spot with my best friend's sweet, precocious almost-four-year old. I remember that wait. I remember walking the halls with her thinking life would never stop spinning. Seeing that 'deer caught in the headlights' look in her eye. I felt so helpless. But here we are, almost four years later (the treatment time for ALL in boys) and he is almost finished with chemo. It's like he's a normal little boy and all that chemo stuff is old hat to him. Have you been to Caring bridge? It is a web site that is for updating cancer. Keeping a log,if you will. It has helped my friend enormously just having the support from a community of people going through the same thing she is. I'll be happy to hook you up with her if you'd like. She'd love to help you or give you any support she can. Praying for you, let me know if I can help in anyway. ~Mindy themortons@yahoo.com
ReplyDeleteAmanda, your strength is infectious. Know that we are here being strong for you as you give all you have to your precious baby boy. Your little warrior will not be fighting this battle alone. He has your love, our prayers and most importantly God. Hold tight to your faith through this difficult "adventure" as you explained it to Gideon. If you need ANYTHING don't hesitate to call/email. My husband Steve is a pediatrician and is always happy to help answer questions or translate doctor-speak (as I like to call it). Call ANYTIME. All our love, Rachel (Madden)
ReplyDeleteGod is always with you all!
ReplyDeleteWow. That is amazing, Amanda. What a comfort. I've always believed God takes special care of little ones. Praying hard for you today!!! Please let me know if I can come up and keeo you all company anytime. Gideon is truly not fighting this battle alone. Love, Carrie Leonard
ReplyDeleteKrempa your faith is amazing and is exactly what you all need to pull you through this nightmare. I am so happy you are not googling anything, it will just make you worry more. Trust your doctors, they do this every day of their lives. There are "better" sub-types and I am praying for those with all of my might. I love you all so much!
ReplyDeleteYour strength and Gideon's amazing smile bring a tear to my eye. Trust in your faith and the power of prayer. We are all here to support your entire family.
ReplyDeleteGod is using that sweet little boy of yours to teach us more about God and His constant presence in our lives. Gideon's little heart and eyes are open to see Him in ways we adults just don't understand...but need to!
ReplyDeleteThis is so beautiful! The angels are with us, I have had other kids tell me about seeing angels before and I absolutley believe it! I am so glad that Gideon can be comforted by his angel. Our whole family is in prayer for your sweet boy and all of you.
ReplyDeleteThe Ouding Family
The Lord IS with You Mighty Warrior! We'll keep praying for the Angel of God to fight those sharks, until this is all over.
ReplyDeleteAngels vs. Sharks...the sharks don't stand a chance. Keep fighting and believing!
ReplyDeleteThe Engels
Thank you for keeping us up to date. Every time you pop in my head, I say a prayer!
ReplyDeleteIn Joshua 6 vs 22 there is this awsome scripture that makes me think of you Giedon. When Gideon realized that it was an angel of the Lord, he exclaimed, "Ah, Sovereign Lord! I have seen the angel of the Lord face to face!" Read it for yourself. But keep reading it get's even better. Love to you today. Mary
ReplyDeleteWith hope we look to God for his grace and mercy. So glad that the Birthday event was a wonderful time for Gideon and Brodi. It was great to see the extended family around and to see how much grandma Nancy and grandpa Gary love Gideon and Brodi. Blessings! The Buds
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