First thing this morning, Gideon and I woke up to headache-free splendor. We celebrated with quiet snuggles and "I Spy." He had to be sedated right away so that there could be another round of chemo in his spinal fluid and another bone marrow extraction. It was a full day of being a little one with cancer since he had Vincristine injected into his IV and another transfusion. My boy was wiped out, but when he found out he could go home, a little Gideon spark lit up in his eyes.
It is getting progressively more difficult to give Gideon his oral meds. The boy spits them out and I have to guess how much he got and how much I should redo. We are working on getting this down to a science and I think I found the secret weapon: chocolate milk. After each dose of medicine, he can chug some chocolate milk to get the nasty taste out of his mouth. He will refuse, refuse, refuse, but as soon as I say, "GIDEON! You have to take this medicine to fight the sharks!" his mouth opens like a baby bird. He knows.
I feel like he knows too much. He has grown up far too much in the last twelve days. I brought home a sixteen year old and an infant all at once today. He is too weak and shaky on his feet to tackle the stairs on his own, but he is beyond articulate with relaying his feelings and thoughts. He cries and whines less, and discusses more. This, of course, is only true when he is the GOOD Gideon. When he is the chemically altered Gideon, he talks with the fist and in ear-shattering screams. Clear the room and hide if you are around and this Gremlin decides to take over my precious' body.
When Gideon was 'roid raging, he took it out on Brody today. I had to stifle my laughter when Brody said, "Gideon! This is NOT fair. I can't fight back because you will BRUISE!" Brody is still having his mini-breakdowns. He stubs his toe and sobs. He can't find his blue marker and he sobs. It has been his outlet. Probably the most heart quaking breakdown was yesterday when Gideon was getting his MRI. Brody and I were drawing in the waiting room and I noticed he had drawn a picture of Gideon in his hospital bed. All on his own he drew his port in his chest, IV line, IV tree, ID bracelet, and curly, curly hair. I praised his creativity and realistic portrayal, and then he said to me, "I drew Gideon with lots and lots of curly hair. Know why, mommy? Because soon it will be all gone." And then he started to silently cry. Brody has never silently cried, and I held him as his little shoulders shook and he tried the best he could to wipe every rogue tear before its evidence was left on my shirt. Dear Lord, protect this baby's heart, as well. When we prayed tonight, he said, "God bless Gideon and make him better" about twelve times. He was repeating it as if reminding God of the massive importance of it. He added: "I really want to be able to play crash bikes, tackle, and wrestling with him again." Did I mention how much this boy takes my breath away? He does. All of the time.
I know I'm tired when I write something in my blog and then get writer's block since a song pops in my brain and I can't think of anything else. Top Gun's "Take my Breath Away" ballad is echoing again and again in my noggin. Now it is in yours. You're welcome.
Anyway, HAPPY! JOYOUS! EXTRAORDINARY News!
1. MRI = clear
2. Migraine medicine = working
3. Gideon has a molecular genetic abnormality found in his chromosomes. That sounds bad, but it is truly fabulous! It is the "tel-aml gene" which is one that is even MORE conducive to treatment and remission. I have no doubt that this was a God thing.
4. WE ARE HOME! We ate Merideth's delicious chicken cashew casserole (Thanks, Mer!) and all of the laundry is put away (thank you, laundry fairies!)
Now..... I will sleep with an ear open and a puke bowl in one hand. But I will do it gladly because I am so thankful. Home feels like home, but different. It is another dimension of home. I don't view things the same way as I did when I left here, and my life has been drastically altered, but my heart feels at ease and I am certain we will come out of all of this better than when we started. Like I said, I can tangibly feel God's presence and I have never experienced this in a constant way like I do now. He is in control, so I'm not scared of this.