Friday, June 25, 2010

Spiders and Penguins and Plasma...

I wasn't completely transparent about yesterday... There was a lot of sleeping and even more puking. Gideon's headache from the night before extended into his day, and I couldn't tell if it was the chemo or the headache making him sick to his stomach. Cancer and cancer's treatment (SO many medications and treatments at once) have too many factors to pin down the whys and the how-comes... It is hit n' miss most times, and OH! I feel so sorry for those people who are totally and completely linear in thinking and cancer falls into their lives. Maybe not falls, more like bombards or explodes into their lives. It has got to be so utterly frustrating when the laws of cause and effect are compromised for the If...then... mentality. There are too many "ifs" and even more "thens". Variables cannot be isolated and tested. There is so much guessing going on... Again, I'm blessed in that I am a sporadic and whirlwind thinker. I truly look up to those who can stay focused on a straight line, but my brain tends to drift to the peripheral "blue highways" on the map of life ("blue highways" = Jack Ridl term). So, this trait that has often been a detriment in my life has ended up being a blessing in this area of my life: this battle for my son's life. The more I live, the more I am a total believer that nothing happens by accident. This girl is blessed to be a dreamer!

Another blessing is that Gideon was HEADACHE FREE last night and only woke up once at 3 in the morning to request Goldfish crackers and lemonade. So, we had a mini-feast. I was just happy he was EATING! Then, when he woke up, he pitter-pattered into the bathroom. (Sidenote: Since the Vincristine, Gideon has been waddling when he walks. It is adorable. I want to buy him a penguin costume - ala Shedd's Aquarium - just to smile the more he waddles... Maybe that's mean. So I won't. I'll just picture it in my head.) I heard him yell out, "MOMMY! There's a spider in here! Come see!" Now, let me give you a piece of Amanda history: spiders make me SCREAM or freak out or both. Give me a snake or a rat above a spider a n y d a y ! I waltzed right in and when I saw the furry (worst kind) eight-legged beast, I shocked myself when my heart-rate didn't even increase! Gideon asked me if we could let it outside to its web, and I said yes! I said yes. Let that soak in. We were home alone, the two of us. I calmly got a piece of paper, let the first-cousin of a tarantula climb aboard, and walked down the stairs balancing our new friend all of the way to the door. I remember the brief moment in this descent when I pictured the beast leaping unto my face and taking out my nose (which wouldn't be ALL bad...have you SEEN my schnoz?), but this didn't even make me blink. I was being a lover of earth and all its creatures with my son. And, spiders ain't NOTHIN' compared to your kid having cancer. So, black widow from our bathroom, I hope you appreciate your new home in the outside world courtesy of Gideon. Spiders may stay. Sharks must die.

Gideon and I spent most of the day at the clinic. He was given an IV full of fluids and Kytrol (for the nausea), and then he needed a plasma transfusion. Yet again, I stared at that bag of plasma and tried to send out energy to its donor full of the most powerful love ever. Gideon is "B Positive" which is "BE Positive" -- even his BLOOD is giving me beautiful advice. So, thank you donors. You have no idea what a difference you make until it is your baby benefitting from the gift you gave!


  1. This made me laugh out loud! I too am very scared of spiders. I hope I would be as brave as you! You're such an amazing mom Amanda! You're boys are so blessed to have such a beautiful, loving, silly momma! You are creating beautiful memories in the midst of a very difficult time. Please know we love your family so much, and we are PRAYING!!

  2. And I love you all too!!! Even though I've never met you!! Praise God that Gideon was headache free last night. I've been praying specifically for his headaches. What a cutie pie little penguin!! I have a package I am putting together for him. I hope to mail it next week. I'm sending it to Cathy's house and she can give it to you. God loves each and every one of you!!!! Jenelle

  3. Okay, since I fear spiders more than anything in the world you are now, TRULY, TRULY, TRULY my IDOL! I loved your spider story!

    Here's to spiders, headache free nights (I hope he had yet another last night) and BE Positive blood! My prayers are always with you! I will call before I come, but will stop by one day next week with my goodie bag for you. xoxo

  4. I could have written the above comment about the spiders and the prayers :) AND I have B Pos. blood! Guess I'll go donate on a more regular basis now that Gideon needs me. Hugs to you all.

  5. Uncle Bing is B positive and gives blood on a regular basis. Aunt Judy, David, and I are all B positive as well. We will have to give soon!
    Do you remember when Grandpa received 15 units of blood saying, "I wonder if I'm still Polish?"
    Too cute. Guess one has to keep laughing, right?
    We love you guys.
    The Virginians

  6. Just an FYI...I'M B POSITIVE!!!! I've always wondered what other B-positives there are:) Wish I could donate to a specific little boy:))) -cate

  7. Hey, sweetheart... I took a day or so off, so am catching up here. I'm O positive, the "universal" donor - over two gallons so far, but need to donate again soon!

    Jessica does the same thing about the spiders. *I* hate them with a passion, but when we find one now, we have to escort it outdoors, NO MATTER WHAT! We usually trap it under a glass then slide a piece of paper or cardboard under the spider while he's under the glass... no way he can get at the noses then!!

    Even tho I haven't been reading, I'm still committed to sending up prayers for your sweet family. Let's face it, it's not just Gideon who has cancer, it's the whole family that is afflicted.

    Sending you all big HUGZ & SMOOCHIES!!
    ~~Aunt Nancy~~