I wasn't completely transparent about yesterday... There was a lot of sleeping and even more puking. Gideon's headache from the night before extended into his day, and I couldn't tell if it was the chemo or the headache making him sick to his stomach. Cancer and cancer's treatment (SO many medications and treatments at once) have too many factors to pin down the whys and the how-comes... It is hit n' miss most times, and OH! I feel so sorry for those people who are totally and completely linear in thinking and cancer falls into their lives. Maybe not falls, more like bombards or explodes into their lives. It has got to be so utterly frustrating when the laws of cause and effect are compromised for the If...then... mentality. There are too many "ifs" and even more "thens". Variables cannot be isolated and tested. There is so much guessing going on... Again, I'm blessed in that I am a sporadic and whirlwind thinker. I truly look up to those who can stay focused on a straight line, but my brain tends to drift to the peripheral "blue highways" on the map of life ("blue highways" = Jack Ridl term). So, this trait that has often been a detriment in my life has ended up being a blessing in this area of my life: this battle for my son's life. The more I live, the more I am a total believer that nothing happens by accident. This girl is blessed to be a dreamer!
Another blessing is that Gideon was HEADACHE FREE last night and only woke up once at 3 in the morning to request Goldfish crackers and lemonade. So, we had a mini-feast. I was just happy he was EATING! Then, when he woke up, he pitter-pattered into the bathroom. (Sidenote: Since the Vincristine, Gideon has been waddling when he walks. It is adorable. I want to buy him a penguin costume - ala Shedd's Aquarium - just to smile the more he waddles... Maybe that's mean. So I won't. I'll just picture it in my head.) I heard him yell out, "MOMMY! There's a spider in here! Come see!" Now, let me give you a piece of Amanda history: spiders make me SCREAM or freak out or both. Give me a snake or a rat above a spider a n y d a y ! I waltzed right in and when I saw the furry (worst kind) eight-legged beast, I shocked myself when my heart-rate didn't even increase! Gideon asked me if we could let it outside to its web, and I said yes! I said yes. Let that soak in. We were home alone, the two of us. I calmly got a piece of paper, let the first-cousin of a tarantula climb aboard, and walked down the stairs balancing our new friend all of the way to the door. I remember the brief moment in this descent when I pictured the beast leaping unto my face and taking out my nose (which wouldn't be ALL bad...have you SEEN my schnoz?), but this didn't even make me blink. I was being a lover of earth and all its creatures with my son. And, spiders ain't NOTHIN' compared to your kid having cancer. So, black widow from our bathroom, I hope you appreciate your new home in the outside world courtesy of Gideon. Spiders may stay. Sharks must die.
Gideon and I spent most of the day at the clinic. He was given an IV full of fluids and Kytrol (for the nausea), and then he needed a plasma transfusion. Yet again, I stared at that bag of plasma and tried to send out energy to its donor full of the most powerful love ever. Gideon is "B Positive" which is "BE Positive" -- even his BLOOD is giving me beautiful advice. So, thank you donors. You have no idea what a difference you make until it is your baby benefitting from the gift you gave!