Thursday, February 17, 2011


I am too tired to be creative. Sorry. But here's the gist: Gideon has become a boy who will break into hysterical crying if there is something sticky on his elbow, if there is a piece of crayon under his nail, or if I say "Goodnight" and drown out any of his lullaby CD. These are all things I've come to expect at this stage in the game. What made me feel like I needed to dissect and unwire my heart so that it cannot feel was during the moment when Gideon started to hold his left leg, burst into tears, and yell, "OWIE!" and then say, "THE SHARKS ARE BACK!" And once I rocked him and his cries calmed, he got up and limped around without putting weight on that leg. I had a flashback of the beginning and I felt that heavy weight of panic and despair start to brew in my chest. Wet wool blankets were flung onto me and I was impaired from doing anything. I tried to trick him into thinking it was the other leg to see if this was one of his dramatics: no. He was hurting. I waited, thinking maybe he sat on his leg and it was asleep. No. A good forty-five minutes later and he was still yelling "OWIE!"

I don't want to replay the fear. I'll just say after my phone call with Dr. Elliot (AGAIN), I was told that this was either the Vincristine or more likely, the muscle pain that comes from the steroids. I was assured that his blood was checked for Leukemia cells on MONDAY and it was CLEAR. A relapse would not be presenting itself that fast. But............gosh. It's too dark of a pit for me to revisit. I will just revisit the fact that I am beyond relieved and I do not feel the least bit guilty for calling this time. Thank you, God.

It amazes me how difficult Gideon can act right now (not at ALL like the "real" Gideon), but he still takes his chemo without a fuss or a fight. Tonight was the night of 7 pills and 3 liquid medications. One after another, he swallowed and moved to the next without a break. I am shaking my head in disbelief and gratitude for one less battle.

I am also BLOWN A W A Y ! ! ! I was called by a downtown (swanky) spa to confirm my "SPA DAY" this weekend. Apparently, someone scheduled me a full three hours of bliss (anonymously). I don't know who you are, but THANK YOU! I am in awe with how people are throwing so much love in my direction. I was told by the spa there is "No way to refund," so I am going! I plan on being a noodle and I have a suspicion that I may even fall asleep.

I really am going to implode by all of this love and gratitude. Truly. Thank you.

1 comment: