Update: Tired

It's 3 a.m. and Gideon is fine. He is sleeping soundly. That is the best and the most frustrating news all at once. Sleep has been such an illusive friend for the last week, and here I am: awake. As soon as my sister in law came over yesterday, I disappeared for a nap. I think I hardly said hi. Never in my life have I had two things: ear infections or heartburn. Since this cancer ordeal, I have had several ear infections and now I am up and awake because I'm pretty sure the acids in my esophagus are burning gaping holes through vital internal tubing. Ouch. I always thought you heartburn people exaggerated. And now it's time for me to realize you were not. I am falling apart, still.

Gideon has been up a lot asking for food, but then at the same time, this is the most stomach sick he has been since the chemo began. Every day he throws up. The up and down of FEED ME! and I'M-GONNA-PUKE! is one crazy-strange dichotomy.

He missed the bowl two days ago, and that is a rarity. Yesterday he actually went into the tupperware cabinet, found a bowl on his own, and puked in it. That's how good he is at that. But, when he missed and the puke was a ninja attack, he looked at me with eyes glazed over with tears of shame. His bottom lip protruded and his eyes filled up with tears. He started to sob. It was the soundtrack for every sadness this world has ever felt, I promise. I tried to console him, but he kept looking at me and repeating, "I'm soooo s-s-s-s-s-s-SORRY, mommy! I didn't feel the monster in time! I-I-I...am SORRY!" And here's the crazy part: The only thing that helped him feel better was when I told him he could Swiffer the spot after I cleaned it up first. The picture above is of him doing just that. This is about a minute after the puking... He breaks my heart. I'll take heartburn above that, please. (Sidenote: Why is the heartburn more pronounced when I breathe? I think I'll hold my breath...)

The steroids make Gideon even more of a talker! He has always been an avid communicator, and I told you about his steady stream of conscious thought rolling off his tongue as he plays. This is yet another thing that has made me love him more... Well, more like treasure him. He comes up with things that just make me want to spend the day recording him so that we can write picture books together. And then we can both retire.

Some of Gideon's thoughts (outloud):
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"Mommy, circles are the best shapes. The sun is a circle. The moon is a circle, but sometimes a crescent, too. Bubbles are fat circles. And they float to the sun. Maybe they think it's their mommy. You like polka dots. Those are circles."

"Let's go on a circle hunt, Gideon!"

"Okay!"

"Hey! Look!" I flared my nostrils. "Mommy's nostrils are circles!"

Gideon shook his head in disappointment. "No, mommy. Those nostril holes are OVALS, like squished circles. Try again!"

I looked at him with sad eyes to which he replied, "It's okay, mommy! SOME people have circle nostrils. Just YOU don't because you are a beautiful princess."

Swoon.
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"My favorite color is red, but you call me Yellow Boy. Brody is your Blue Boy."

"What color do I remind you of, Gideon?" I asked.

"YOU are PINK!" He got a mischievous glint in his eye and said, "But Daddy's color is POOP BROWN!"

Commence the laugh track. Funny kid.
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"The Shamalamadingdongs live on the sun!" Gideon reported.

(Back story: A long time ago the boys were fighting and yelling. I screamed, "QUIET or the SHAMALAMADINGDONGS from outer space are going to come and yell at you! THAT'S how LOUD you are being!" To my shock, it automatically made them quiet. Just goes to show you, the more random, the more you take 'em by surprise.)

"They do, Gideon? What's it like up there for them?" I asked.

"Well, it's HOT, mom," and the boy ROLLED his eyes at me!

"Okay...what do they eat on the sun?" I asked, hoping to stump my hormonal teenaged three year old.

Again he looked at me like I myself lived on the sun and answered, "Sun Chips." He then laughed so hard that he puked. That made him laugh even more. Seriously? I cannot get ENOUGH of him.

He is mine! Mine! MINE! I had to squeeze him after that one. But gently, since he puked.
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And, I'd like to report that with that last little anecdote, the Alka-Seltzer has kicked in! I am your friendly product tester. As a first-timer I'd say the fires have been put out and I can go BACK TO SLEEP! Thank you, Alka-Seltzer! Oh, what a relief it is!

P.S. Halloween was GREAT! I took Gideon trick-or-treating two nights in a row. Brody was watching his Bronco Hockey team the first night. He even got to go into the LOCKER ROOM with the team... I love you, Bronco HOCKEY! Have I told you that?!
Back on topic: Gideon was too tired to walk while trick-or-treating, but he LOVED getting pushed from door-to-door. To the sweet people who offered Gideon to pick his own candy: Thank you for being understanding when I said, "He is not allowed to touch it, could you please just choose for him?" I got some looks like, Ooooo-crazy-germ-scared-mommy! But, that's okay. That assumption is actually correct. Brody was SPIDERMAN and Gideon was BATMAN. They got to be their FAVORITE superheroes. They are MY favorite superheroes!

P.P.S. Brody started an indoor baseball clinic yesterday. He is loving it! He also is trying to avoid getting punched by steroid-Gideon, and he's doing a great job of that, as well. I offer thanks to the sprint drills at the clinic for that one.

P.P.P.S . Seriously going back to bed now. Night. Oh! And the LIONS WON!!! WOOO!