Sunday, November 13, 2011


It's parent-teacher conference week! I have never held conferences in this capacity as a music teacher, but now I have the chance to share with parents the way music makes their child's little face shine. There is joy in the face of a child who is engrossed in a melody. There is wonder in the face of a child who has played an instrument for the first time. It's magic, and I get to witness it every single day as a JOB. I am grateful for that. I always want to start my musings with happiness. I never want the weight of the world to rob me of what I have in the here and now, and singing a song with a chorus of boisterous and gregarious children will forever rank high on my list of "WOW" moments.

NEWS: Gideon is going in on Tuesday for spinal chemotherapy and he will be sedated with that. We will find out how he his body is coping with this heavier dosage of daily chemo, as well. In the midst of conference week, Gideon will also begin his steroids. I know it'll be a tough one, but we can make it! Please keep Gideon in your thoughts and prayers.

Speaking of prayers, I need to take this moment to THANK the amazing network of friends and family in my life. Thank you for coming around me, filling my soul, and then also reminding me that I need to stay strong for the good of my boys. Thank you for completely getting the brokenness and the anger that can so easily creep into my heart and make me only focus on life's hardships. It can so easily take control! No amount of strife is going to steal a healthy moment spent with my baby boys.

Brody and Gideon, you are my life's gift from above. As you grow up, I want you to always remember you are not alone. I want you to feel the miracle in a day. Please take the time to grieve, to be angry, to be mad…but get back up and look UP, so you can take your next step in the right direction. Please, please remember the C.S. Lewis quote that says, "An explanation of cause is not a justification by reason." That means that there are reasons, but no excuses. Blaming everyone except yourself is the fool's way to seek validation and an avoidance of taking responsibility for your own life. Please own your life. Be so proud of the way you own it, and you won't feel the need to ever try to justify yourself.

We are always learning. If I can view every challenge in my life as yet another way to mold my soul for the better, then there will be less dark and more light. Closing my eyes in anger will never help me to see the light, so I will pray to focus on that which is pure, lovely and good. All I have to do is open my eyes and it is there. And if I can't open my eyes, I have friends who will pry them open for me with a crow bar, but they happily offer me eye drops afterwards. Tough love for tough times!


  1. Praying for you, Amanda. May the light always beat the dark. And may you be able to gracefully move away from those who try to shadow over your light.

  2. Beautiful wishes to your boys. This post reminds me of that quote, “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.” Block out the ugly, Amanda. The ugly is just jealous of the beauty that is truth.

  3. Just remember, "Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.”

  4. I think it's wonderful that you take the high road even when you are tempted to meet others in their own pit of darkness. Peace and love will win! It matters more than justice. People (including your boys) will realize TRUTH in others souls in the end and you don't need to worry about that. Just keep breathing, praying and staying strong for Brody and Gideon!

  5. Manda,
    I am infuriated with whatever is causing you so much pain. Someone like you should NEVER have to deal with it. Life is so unfair. I am praying for you as you hold your baby's hand this morning as the sedation kicks in and the chemo is administered into his precious spine. I am praying that the ugliness of life's struggles does not take you down, but makes you STRONGER and more VIBRANT than ever (I don't know if that's possible. you are the most vibrant person I have ever met.) Remember the promises we DO have in this life and hold tight to those. Get out our ancient PRINCE album we choreographed so many moves to so many years ago and dance the pain away! You have always been a captivating dancer because you FEEL the music just like you FEEL everything. I always marveled at the way you could shut out the world when you danced. I was always so aware of my audience and self conscious but not you. I wish you the peace to live out your life the way you live out your dancing. With grace and without regard to others' reactions, just adoring the song and showing that adoration in your every move. The world is blessed to have you in it!

  6. **** HEARD GIDEON HAD TO BE ADMINISTERED BACK INTO THE HOSPITAL TONIGHT! I PRAY ALL IS GOING WELL!!! I wish you were still on facebook, but I will just keep checking here.