Sunday, June 12, 2011

A Year Ago Today...

One year ago we were told Gideon has cancer. Part of me still wants to punch something over this reality, pieces of me just needs to sob over everything Gideon and all of us have had to endure, but the largest chunk wants to just saturate myself in a pool of gratitude. When those words first left the doctor's mouth and I fell to the ground sobbing, I will be honest: I thought it was the end for him. I thought this was a death sentence. There were moments when I appeared "strong" to make each coveted Gideon heartbeat resonate as beautifully as possible so that he enjoyed what he had left on this earth. Maybe this is morbid, but then I got to thinking: shouldn't we always live as if it' s our last moment? This perspective did make me more resolute in this pre-cancer existing notion of inhaling each breath deeply. We have a limited amount of time so eat it up! Sometimes in this journey we were just thankful for a millisecond of no tears. But now look. Gideon's alive (flourishing, even), he's fighting, and he's BEATING those cancer sharks. Thank you, GOD! All praise to Him.

I am grateful to have witnessed the way humanity is instinctually beautiful, giving and helpful in times of heartache. If I listed every single way loved ones and strangers have come to our aid this past year, it would take you another whole year to read everything. I am still baffled by the way my staff came to my rescue by donating their sick days, how I didn't cook one meal for a good six months, the way people joined forces to donate blood in Gideon's honor in massive droves, and how people would stop at nothing to bring a smile to our faces (WMU hockey team, friends, mystery SPA donor, bedroom redecorators, neighbors...on and on...)!

I am mostly grateful for the way Gideon is responding to treatment and the way I feel in the deepest part of me that he will beat this and remain in remission once he is six years old. This sense of hope has brought us through every obstacle, and it comes from the Highest of all Power. We know it's not up to us, but we pray and trust continually.

Today is a milestone! Today we glance back in memory of all we have been through, but we also focus our eyes forward. It was the most difficult year of our lives, but I cannot be more amazed by how transforming and purifying human strife is to the soul (if one allows it to do so). I thank God for blessing me with two amazing sons who have accepted their new role in life with more grace and bravery than I would have thought was humanly possible. I am humbled to be their mommy.

ONE YEAR DOWN, two and a half to go! You can do it, Gideon! Love you, little goblin!
P.S. I put together a video of video snippets from the entire year (only the good parts...). It can't be uploaded here or on Youtube, so I posted it on Facebook. It is available for all to see here. Go to my photos/videos and you can play it there.


  1. First, dear friend, I love that ur grocery store puke storm made u realize that u don't care what others think of u! Awesome. Next, the video. Wow! it was amazing! I made my mom log on & watch it. Now I have a question. She said there was only one comment and when I went on facebook there were at least 23 comments. Did u make two videos? I ask because I don't want to miss one! Love you!! Kimmy

  2. Hey, Kimmy!
    Thank you... It'll be a long road, but Gideon's getting through it all beautifully! As far as the video is concerned, it is the SAME video saved in two spots: under "Videos" (the area where one person commented) and on my "Wall" which is where you see the bulk of the comments. Only my facebook "friends" can see the one with the comments posted on my wall under the same video. Tell your momma I would love to have her as a facebook buddy :). Love you, too! Amanda