BLOOD DRIVE!!!

Wow! Amazing news! Zondervan, "an international Christian communications company," is holding a blood drive in Gideon's honor! I feel BLESSED that Gideon's story is reaching so many people, and with that, his story is inspiring more people to donate blood! Below is the "commercial" to publicize this event, and it will be running at the headquarters for the Zondervan donators to watch on the day of the drive. There will even be fishies there for people to decorate. Thank you, Zondervan!

Am I getting a little too dreamy/pushy if I offer ANYONE who wants to create a blood drive in Gideon's honor to use any of this blog and/or this "commercial" to publicize your drive? You have my blessing and permission! The more donations of blood, the more lives saved, and the more it feels like Gideon's battle has done GOOD for our world.

Dear Mrs. Scheeler's Class,

Brody standing next to the TWO HUGE BOXES of brand new toys from Mrs. Scheeler's class!


One of the clinic's patients picking out a toy after his poke!


Gideon picking out a prize after his poke, too!


Dear Mrs. Scheeler's YOUNG FIVES Class,

You, boys and girls, have done such a wonderful and giving thing! There are so many people in the world who take, take, take and want, want, want, but all of you have shown that you are loving givers. You understand it makes your heart happier to GIVE than it does to TAKE. I heard that some of you even gave up one of your own Christmas presents (brand new) to give to the KCMS Clinic. Wow. I hope that when you dropped your toy into the box, a happy warmth hugged your heart until it felt like it grew, grew, grew to the point that you felt like your heart was a balloon floating to the sky! Thank you, you precious people!

You all know how scary it is to get a shot. It lasts for a second and then... it's DONE! The kids at Gideon's clinic have to go in for many different kinds of shots and very often, too. The good thing about this is that it will make the very sick children better! Even though the children at the clinic get many shots, they still can feel just as scared as you do when you get your shot. Sometimes they just don't want to do it at all, sometimes they just cry, and other times they just want to hide. Knowing that they have a bin FULL of brand new toys to choose from after the shot or shots are over can make so much of a difference. They go from crying and feeling afraid to asking, "What kinds of toys are in there?" and it gets their minds off of how scary the poke can be.

Every single gift you donated for the surprise bin will make a sick child SMILE! Do you know how beautiful it is to see an ill child who is scared or hurting to smile? It's like seeing a sky full of rainbows after a hurricane, I promise. Not only have you made so many children happy, but you have given many mommies and daddies happiness, too. When our little boys or girls are hurting, all we want to do is to take that pain away. Your toy donations made the little boys and girls smile, and that made every mommy and daddy who saw that smile to smile, as well. You formed a SMILE TRAIN! Try it! Look at the friend to your right and smile, and then that person takes your smile and turns to the person on his/her right and smiles, and keep going until everyone in the circle has smiled! I bet you all are giggling by the time this SMILE TRAIN is done. That's my hope, because you beautiful little people have done the same for so many strangers who needed your love.

THANK YOU, Mrs. Scheeler's classes!

Love,
Brody and Gideon's mommy
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Gideon update:

Gideon is sick. I'm sure it's a virus, but the boy's cough is getting worse and worse. He can't breathe through his nose, and this makes him extra crabby. I can understand that... So, I have been sticking on the BREATHE-RIGHT strips. He loves them. One thing is for sure, he adores air. After he wakes up from sedation, he takes the oxygen and just sucks it in with an "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" He acts like it's the most delectable meal he has ever tasted. When he feels like he can't get enough of it, he takes the oxygen nodules out of his nose and sucks it all in through his mouth. It's an advanced form of booger eating, I guess. I kid. But really, he just loves to breathe. I love that he loves to breathe.

Anyway, I am force feeding and force hydrating him. He shakes his head and says "NO!" towards food and drink, but thankfully he has moments of wanting to eat and drink. He doesn't have a fever, so now it's just a matter of keeping him hydrated. He dry heaves a lot at night, and I'm assuming that's from all of the mucus. I'll check in with the clinic tomorrow again to see if there is anything else I need to do. Please pray for a quick recovery and that this doesn't mutate into anything else.


My sick little man.


Breathe-RIGHT (but still a little Crabby-Crabberson)


Gideon sucking on his oxygen tube (that's supposed to be in his nose)...Ha!

Regina Spektor - My Dear Acquaintance (A Happy New Year)

Just Keep Swimming!

We are connected to one another in ways not even imaginable just a few short years ago. One status update on one Facebook account can make me laugh for awhile, cry, or even add to my worldview. I am able to see a friend while talking to her on Skype. I can connect with countless people in an instant. I don't know if I would be as grateful for these technological breakthroughs if cancer had never poked its icy fingers into our family's lives. I can cry with other moms battling with their child by simply reading blogs. I feel understood. I feel their pain, their anger, their awe...all of it. It is crazy how I am comforted by the like-minded bafflement we parents experience when we see our own flesh and blood battle for their lives with more strength and positivity than we thought even existed in super heroes, let alone our babies. You are no longer strangers to me, but family. I pray for your little warriors as well as my own everyday. That will never change.

I feel like supportive strangers are snowballing into larger numbers and prayers are lifted in heftier doses every single day. I can't tell you how blessed I feel by this. Just today a friend sent me a link to an event created by an absolute stranger; someone I have never met. She created an event called "Fishies for Gideon" urging her college friends to donate blood on Gideon's behalf. Pausing for a tear break. Hold on, please........................................................................................................................................................ Breathing...and......back.

Wow.

I'm getting frustrated with myself for being so shocked by generosity and love....still. After six months I am still a granitified (Glinda the Good Witch makes up words with wild abandon, so shall I) deer whenever anyone exposes their gorgeous soul to me. Gideon never is shocked. He waves at the sweet man who bought our lunch at the hospital like, "That was great of you! Have a nice day!" while I stand there dumbstruck and ready to sob myself into a puddle of hysterics. Still. More beauty abounds! You are everywhere. I see you. I feel what you are doing, and you are softening hearts with your actions (just like that commercial...the one with the woman who stops someone from crossing the street when a car came buzzing around, and that in-turn made that person hold the door of an elevator...good begets good...).

Speaking of beauty, Katelyn Drake came over to drop off more NO SHARK shirts for the Clinic staff and also the money raised at the ORANGE OUT she organized. From just one basketball game and after covering all of the expenses, I will be dropping off six HUNDRED dollars to our Clinic tomorrow! WOAH. Woah. THANK YOU to all of you who were a part of this. Again, you have amazed me.

Back to the GOOD FISHIES... Gideon has been anxiously waiting by the door each time I go out for the mail. As soon as I walk in he squeaks, "IS THERE ANYTHING IN THERE FOR ME?!" Ever since I posted this post, Gideon has gotten a fishy in the mail quite often! We are up to 15 fishies so far...That's 45 people who have benefited from receiving blood in my little man's honor. If you have donated and have not sent a fish just yet, please go back to this post for the templates and our address. I also want you to know this: Every fish sent is absolutely cherished by Gideon. He fawns over every single one...the glittered and the penciled, both. If you are not artistically inclined, your fishy will still be loved and given a home in Gideon's Sea of Loving Souls, I promise. We are a no-flush-fishy rescue, and each one is fed by Gideon's giggles of glee.

With that, I will post Gideon's fishy arrival of the day today. I have a really high-pitched voice. Sorry about that. I guess you all already know that, it's me that's startled by it every time I hear myself speak. I can't help it. I get all excitamatic (another Glinda-inspired term).

Please note: Gideon is psyched at the beginning and then is all serious at the end. Just as I stopped recording, Gideon asked how the mail system works. He didn't ask it like that, he asked: "How do these fishies get here?" So, his little wheels are turning and his face is all serious. We went back to HOORAY! soon after I explained. ;)

A pictorial Christmas...

New day

What a difference a day makes. THANK YOU, Pastor Kevin, for speaking right to my heart when you prayed for the peace of God to surge through the souls of those "overwrought and overwhelmed moms" -- I needed that, and I felt it. The peace, that is. I felt the peace, and let the stress dissolve at the altar.

THANK YOU, God, for that mama instinct that says go-check-on-your-baby and I made it to Gideon's class just in time for him to throw up -- a lot. I think there is a sick-inducing chemo in the mix right now. It wasn't a virus, it was the chemo. Thanks, Don and Gloria for helping!

Thank you, DEB MILKA, for going to see a chick flick with me yesterday. I adored your company, as always. I also love the fact that you embrace my idiosyncrasies. I know we are a block away from Crossroads, but we would not have seen the icicle lights of downtown or the gloriously ORANGE bathrooms of The Rave.

THANK YOU, Gideon, for being more sped up yesterday as a talker, and not as an aggressor. On our way home from church, Gideon requested a pizza (minutes after the throwing up and second episode of throwing up in the car). He said, "Pizza starts with a 'P'! Popcorn starts with a 'P'! Look, I see a 'P' in that sign! Look! Another one! That P is everywhere.....even in the toilet!" HA! An itty-bitty three year old voice makes this joke even funnier. Even funnier is the fact that he made it up on the fly.

I cannot believe his comedic tendencies. I have a funny prodigy on my hands. When Tom got home, Gideon said, "Daddy, people don't need real guns since we all have...........BUTT GUNS!" and then he bent over and let it rip. So, the toilet humor is under wraps. He will break into newer genres as he gets older, I'm sure. To be honest, though... Toilet humor is still the funniest to me. I don't think that'll change. If you don't laugh at a fart, I don't trust you.

Gideon also has been lovey yesterday since he just is so puke-ridden. So, we have been cuddling and loving. Then, he wrote me a song (heard below), and it made me cry. It soothed my pressured soul after feeling like the boy absolutely loathed me the day before.

This morning we have not had puking. His hands and body are shaking again, but he is happy! He made it into a joke. Imagine that. He said, "Watch, mommy! I keep missing my mouth!" and with each shake he let the forkful of food careen into his cheek. Sweet mess. Gideon even shared his sausage links with his brother... Peace, peace, peace. What a way to usher in this happy forthcoming of Christmas.



(Okay... I spoke too soon. Gideon threw up. We are rocking now. Please pray his tummy settles today. That's the prayer request du jour.)

Steroids........................

You know what I want to blog about? I want to blog about all of the fantastic things that are happening and HAVE happened. Mostly, the fact that Gideon's numbers went up enough to receive the Methotrexate spinal chemotherapy and the Vincristine push. We are starting our next phase, and it looks like this: one week of Decadron (steroids), 6MP chemo daily, Methotrexate chemo once a week, Bactrim three days a week, and any indigestion/tummy meds he may need to deal of all of these toxins. He can do this! We can do this!

If it sounds like I am trying to cheer myself into a rah-rah-rah induced state of euphoria, you're right. The steroid raging is the worse it has ever been. Ever. Maybe I have blocked it out, but I don't think so.

I have to be near Gideon at every moment of the day because there is no telling what he might do. Brody was coloring a detailed puzzle that is decorated first, and then taken apart to reassemble. Gideon tore a marker out of his hand, scribbled all over his creation, and ran off. Brody had been working on this project for over an hour and he was absolutely crestfallen. He yelled, "You RUINED it Gideon! Why would you do that?" Gideon's answer? Beating Brody over the head with a Hotwheel car. I pulled that boy off of his brother so fast. Unfortunately, he is a strong little guy and kicked me in the face. It was my turn to have a bloody nose.

The saddest part is the guilt Gideon feels once he realizes what he's done. It's difficult to console him as his body shakes with silent sobs. Tears just pour, his mouth is agape, and all he can do is suck in air. How do I do this? Anyone have any pointers? I don't want him to feel like his behavior is acceptable, but he really is not himself. I bet I would be a MONSTER if I was given what he's given.

Today was a cling-on day. He asked to wear jammies all day. He wanted to lay on me. He is also complaining about his fingertips feeling like there are little shots "eating them"... He complained about this with his feet the last time he had Vincristine, and at that time he wanted to wear shoes too tight to help with it. Today he wanted me to squeeze his hands.

At nap time, I didn't wrap him in his blankets the way he wanted me to. He tried to explain this new form of bundling, but I guess I wasn't getting it. He started to scream in a way that scared me into feeling like I should call a priest and get an exorcism underway, STAT. It was intense. I tried to deflect attention. I tried to make a cozy blanket fort. I sang. I danced. The scary screams only escalated, followed by punching me and clawing me. I held his little arms and said, "Breathe! Breathe!" I let him go once he started to calm down. And then, it got crazier. Gideon started pounding on the window with his fists and screaming, "Don't LOOK at me, SAAAAAAAAANNNNTTTAAA!" over and over and over. "I don't want Santa to SEEEEEEEEE me!" and he continued to flail and cry.

He then collapsed on his pillow in his trademark brokenhearted cry. "I'm on Santa's MEAN list!" he wailed. Oh. Sweet baby. Thankfully, "Santa" called soon after, assured Gideon he still loved him, asked him to say sorry to mommy to make up for it, and Gideon was better. He fell right to sleep.

The nap was a 30 minute bliss-inducing silent stretch. I laid on the bed and just stared at the ceiling. I drooled. I turned off my brain. So, my house looks worse than any frat house I have ever witnessed, but so help me, I could not move.

Gideon woke up HUNGRY. Hi, steroids. He asked for a bagel. A Big Apple bagel. I tried to make the bagel just like his favorite bagelery (as compared to a "bakery"), but when he took a bite, he glared at me and barked, "This is NOT a good bagel for a Leukemia boy!" I had to smirk a little at that comment. Although annoying, it was a wee-bit cute. I asked why and he said, "It tastes like POOP! This is a POOP BAGEL!" and then he threw it at my face. The boy has good aim.

Tom and Brody were skiing all day and then went to a hockey game after that. Anyone want to break me out of here tomorrow? Please? They have another hockey game to attend tomorrow, but they may have to cancel all for mommy's sanity.

I always feel guilty when I complain like this. Gideon's cancer is under control. He is responding beautifully to the chemo. He has ENERGY and vitality. There are too many mommies with babies who are not doing even fractionally as well as our boy. I realize we are blessed in all of this, but right now I'm all wah-wah-wah. Let me wah. And, be my getaway car driver, PLEASE.