Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Balloon heart.

This entire blog has been my honest and raw emotions, so I won't stop now.  Truthfully, I have logged onto this blog countless times since August.  Countless.  And each time I got to this winter white blog entry screen, I just stared at the blinking cursor.  Each blink of the cursor flashed a different emotion or a new memory or praise just begging to be recorded.  Gideon's sparkling eyes as he looked at me and said, "I don't have to take chemo tonight, do I?  My cancer is GONE," and then the memory-moment tinged with the smell of BBQ and saturated by so many people's love around us as Gideon let go of his green lantern at his NO MO' CHEMO party as he said, "I wish all cancer kids could beat their sharks" as it floated away; or the time big brother Brody said to Gideon in the backseat, "I was there next to you every time you woke up from your sleepy chemo, Gideon.  I was always happy when you opened your eyes."  How can I type with these images of gorgeousness burning holes through my soul and making my fingers useless and inadequate?   Feelings, thoughts, and emotions I wish I could cram into letters and words for you all to just take a hold of and know what it is I am feeling right now, have just seemed impossible to track down.

So, I will update you, but it will be impossible for me to fly you to the top of my balloon heart that is floating inside of a rainbow while nonstop fireworks erupt all around it.  (Ugh.  Still not even close to describing it.)

Gideon has been deemed CANCER-FREE.  He has been off of chemo for a month now, and I still have this itch at night to paw through his medicine kit and collect all of the pills.  It is so strange to kiss him at night and not count pills before that, strange in a FABULOUSLY strange way.  All he is taking now is Bactrim for his immunity now.  Our course of action is to now get blood checks every month to make sure those cancer-sharks stay away for good.

Today, Gideon had to go to the doctor to find out about a rash that won't go away.  It was with a REGULAR doctor at a REGULAR clinic, and I think I scared the doctor out of the door as she walked in and I exclaimed, "It is SO good to meet you!  Hi!  I'm Amanda," with a huge out-of-place smile on my face.  She was probably thinking, Lady, your kid has had an itchy rash on his body for three weeks.  What is your problem?  Why the goofy grin?  If she had only known what I really wanted do: hug her and plead for some kind of badge pinned on my shirt that said, "My kid went to the doctor because of allergies manifesting themselves on his skin.  I did NOT go to the doctor because my kid has cancer, because he DOESN'T!"  That would be a big pin to fit all of that.  I would wear it, though, and I would allow every stranger I pass to squint and read it.  Oh.  A doctor's appointment in a germy office full of crying kids, and I was in a new kind of heaven on earth.

Now we keep fighting for all of Gideon's friends so that they can also experience this joy of being cancer-free.  This month of CHILDHOOD CANCER AWARENESS has been overflowing with events and planning.  The kickball game I ran for the last two years is on again THIS year.  There have been so many amazing things planned, and this year it is being run by a fabulous group of high schoolers, my Dream Team.  I am excited to watch them pull it all off.  All of the proceeds this year will go to Cancer Families United, a local non-profit that services families in our area who are plagued with childhood cancer, all while advocating and fundraising research for a CURE.  I am on the board of this non-profit as the Vice President, and I am already seeing its influence spread throughout the community.  Wouldn't it be amazing if GOLD ribbons were as recognizable as pink?

So that I do not blab any further, I will leave you with these things YOU can do this month for childhood cancer awareness.  I hope to see you at Noodles and Company on October 2 and at the BIG kickball event (with a FREE Magic Show at 4:30) at Mattawan Schools on October 5.  If you would like to tune in, I will be on 106.5 tomorrow morning at 7:30, and I will be on WWMT channel 3 news on Monday, September 30 at 6:30 promoting our upcoming events.

I believe in miracles.  I have seen them firsthand.  I know that God has been with us and making Himself blatantly known to us several times throughout this journey.  I feel that He gives us all missions in life, and mine is and always will be to fight childhood cancer and help families who have been thrust into this cancer-world.  We have hands, minds, and pockets.  I pray we choose to use all three in a way that benefits the world.  Because others felt this was their mission as well, they funded the research NEEDED to save Gideon's life.  He was saved through others generosity.  Every little bit helps.

(Still to come: Gideon's No Mo' Chemo slideshow...)

 More No Mo' Chemo pics to come, but for now, one more video about Cancer Families United:

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